Neighbors

I just finished reading Duane Elmer's book Cross-Cultural Connections. Janet Kunnecke gave it to me last week and it's been a solid basis as to what to expect. While the book offered many helpful insights into the specific things that divide cultures, it's made me realize the difficulty I'll have in explaining what's going on here and in me.

The values and behaviors of the Japanese are based on their cultural beliefs about how life should be lived and without understanding that, how are we to understand those values and beliefs? A good friend of mine told me that we all behave and think the way that we think is best, is right. If I didn't believe my action was the right thing to do, would I be doing it at all? Problems and divisions come when we think that our way is the only right way of doing things, and forget that those we are interacting with are operating under the same idea: they believe their actions are best, right, proper.

My roommate asked me in an email if I'm sitting down and having hard-hitting "God conversations."

I had to stop before I answered that. I'm not, in the direct, Amercan "logical" understanding, having hard-hitting "God conversations." But at the same time, I am.

Japanese culture is about relationship (a quality that I love). Taking time to build a relationship, to build trust, and to invest is as much a part of the "God conversation" as the literal words themselves. They are not separate. They are one. To come right out and start preaching and teaching and saying "This is what God says," would be disrespectful.

So I am beginning those conversations; just not in the ways we would expect.

Elmer's book was good for me on other levels, as well. Before I left, I had a conversation with one of my very best friends about our differences in communication and ceratin walls those differences had built. It was a good conversation and a difficult conversation. But it came from each of us not being aware of or sensitive to the other's communication style. She is more direct and to the point. And I've realized that I'm more round-about, more spiral. There was an entire chapter devoted to this in the book. I start general and, after gauging a person's responses, proceed to pinpoint the topic (if I find the other's responses favorable), or change the subject while the subject is still general and it would not be awkward in conversation to do so (if I find the other's responses unfavorable).

How interesting to discover such things about ourselves. Especially when we are able come to the understanding that not everyone for example communicates the same ways that we do. That each feels their actions are correct and right and produce the best results. The understanding frees us to look at new perspectives. That freedom calls us to see from another's point of view. If we truly care about connecting with the other, we'll adjust our actions accordingly.

It's what love boils down to, no? Seeing another's need and reacting to it, because their need is greater than our own. Love your neighbor as yourself.