Suddenly

Well.

Any emotion that was lacking last night certainly came to the surface at this morning's class. It was very difficult for me to say goodbye to these women because they really were my favorite. I have a wonderful time with Saginuma, but this Wednesday morning class has built relationships that I've really appreciated and enjoyed. I've spent the most time with these students outside of class-at meals, around the city, with their families. We've had good discussions-about culture, about tradition, about faith. And when I shared my testimony with them this morning, they were listening like friends listen. I will miss these ladies very much.

Timing always seems to be perfect and I came home just in time to catch Angela May at home and we talked for a bit, before going downstairs to a tea party hosted by Denise and little Joanna. It was a perfect day. The temperature's even dropped just a bit and I was able to sit comfortably on the porch and finish my last read of the summer, A Daughter of the Samurai.

Tomorrow will be a day of packing. Perhaps I should have started tonight, but I was more interested in finishing my photobook on Snapfish from my time here. If everything works out well, I'll have all my pictures developed and put together before I even get home! Once again technology makes our lives so much easier.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, 11

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to men,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

...One left...

I feel like I'm floating in gently lapping water. I feel like I'm being carried. I feel like I'm not really feeling. Which is perhaps a good thing, perhaps a coping mechanism that my subconscious has chosen without asking my opinion.

I said farewell to two more of my classes tonight. My heart is crying, but I just can't force it up any further. Because really, at the core of everything, is my Heavenly Father. And, like I've already said (and could repeat repeat repeat) I know... I know that He's taking me home for a purpose.

It was beautiful to share that with my classes tonight. Instead of sharing another Bible story, I shared my testimony with them. I'd love to say the emotion overflowed and I sang the words of God's faithfulness; but that's not it. I know the Lord will use the words. And I know I said what needed to be said---I looked each of them in the eye and told them "God loves you." Over and over and over. Love drove me here and that's the one, the most important message that they needed to hear..... but the frail part of me wishes I could've pushed out some tears. I could've felt it. Instead of floating along with the ebb of the tide.

Praise God that faith does not equal emotion.

Praise God that emotions are only that... emotions.

Praise God that He is sovereign and He is the One who works.

My devotional for today reminded me of that. Like Paul says in 1 Corinthians 3:6-9, we sow and we water, but it is God who makes the plants grow. Eyes that see and ears that hear--both belong to the Lord. Praise the Lord that He and He alone is in control.

I thank God for Atsuko, for Hisa, for Setsuko, for Yoshida, for Keito, for Keiko, for Junichi.

Nichiyobi

Today was my second-to-last Sunday at Chuo Church. This time next week I'll be preparing to head back to the States.

Because one of the gentlemen, my translator, Mr. Asoka, will be away on business next week, Kim Sensei made sure we took a church photo this morning. Of course I brought my camera, only they didn't recognize the difference between video and photo.

I currently have five amazing videos of our congregation posing.

And no pictures.

Haha :)

Ending is Beginning

My countdown is officially in the single digits.

I'm a little miffed. A little dazed by it. A little excited. Name an emotion and I probably feel it.

But even as I go through the gamut of emotions, my days seems to be getting better and better. On Wednesday my morning class took me out for a delicious lunch and gave me a beautiful set of Arita tea cups. And in the evening it was my last class at Saginuma. One of the faithful few was sick, and even though she couldn't stay for class, she came in to say goodbye. The three of us who remained had a ball--there was a lot of laughing, I remember that much. I'm glad that I have one more night with all of them. This coming Friday, we're going out to "our" restaurant, the fish restaurant. And the guys I haven't seen since before the holidays will be there as well. I'm so looking forward to that.

Yesterday and the day before were spent in Hakone with Anne Marie. It was a wonderful trip, beautiful mountains. I got to experience the Japanese countryside as well as some history. I'm reading Daughter of a Samurai and it was neat to explore the time period that I'm reading about. We spent the night in a traditional Japanese hotel--tatami room, hot spring baths. I felt out of place and at home all at the same time.

I'm so excited about what God is doing in and through me. Endings are natural periods of reflection and I've been doing a lot of that. God's taught me so much, reminded me so much of His faithfulness and power. He's teaching me about praying with expectancy. And He's showing me what happens when you fully surrender and let Him work. I've thought back through conversations I've had with my students and I'm amazed at the number of times I can honestly say it was Him speaking and not me. This last week in our Bible times was a perfect example. I knew the story I was supposed to share, but I didn't know what to say. And before I realized it, I was sharing about the cross and Jesus' amazing gift to us. I was empty of words, but the Lord provided.

I think my favorite part of this whole experience has been sharing God's awesome love with those around me: through words and action both. I love that moment in the Bible lessons where I can look each one of my students in the eye and tell them how great is God's love. Have you ever felt your face radiating? It's Exciting to tell people that God loves them! It's like I get to share in this amazing gift-giving process. To see the looks on some of their faces--they're shocked. I don't know if they're more shocked by my volume and enthusiasm or by what I'm saying, but with some of them, I can see they're hearing and it's Exciting! There are many who don't pay attention and many who watch the clock, but that doesn't matter. It's those times where I can't keep my mouth shut, even if they don't seem to be hearing. It's such a beautiful and amazing thing to be able to share love with somebody.

I'm not quite sure what to expect with the rest of my nine days here, but the Lord will work everything out. I'm excited to see what He has for me when I get home, because I know He has something planned. I've felt throughout these last five months that now is a jumping off point. From here on out, the Lord's taking me and we're running together. Last Spring when I prayed the words of Isaiah 6, Here I am, Lord, send me, I didn't realize that they'd extend well past the time that I'm here. And finally we've reached the point where He's sending me home. Just as the Lord brought me here for a purpose, He's bringing me home for a purpose as well.

And I can't wait to see what it is.

Time goes by

Despite the fact that summer heat still blazes and rainy season-style humidity reigns supreme here in Tokyo, we were bless with the perfect September evening today. And as I walked slowly down the street where I live, I was overwhelmed to tears. Blessed is not a strong enough word. Truly, how is this fair that I am allowed such grace and mercy by our God?

I don't want to leave.

This has been a perfect Labor Day weekend. I closed out my Friday night with a student's family. I met Machiko at the church and together we walked to her house where I spent four lovely hours around her dinner table, talking with her, her husband, and her son. She was so excited to practice English and pushed her family, as only a matriarch can, to do the same. "Tell her about yourself. In English? Of course, in English!" They pulled out old photo albums and Google maps so that we could see exactly the house in Kobe where Machiko's husband was born. And they were so excited to see not only my old apartment in Lakeshore, but also my new house on Capitol and the IMS. It was a really fantastic evening.

Today, too, was majestic. This is perhaps the most at home I've felt here, and I don't remember a day yet that has been so effortless. We've spent this term reading bits and pieces of C.S. Lewis's Prince Caspain in one class and I was determined to give them each an English copy on the last class. English books aren't the easiest to find, though it's certainly not impossible, and finding a specific one is even more challenging. Then try finding three copies of that one book. Luckily, the Chronicles of Narnia series has risen in popularity, so I haven't scrambled to find them. I found two copies on Thursday at a store in Ikebukuro and my only aim today was to find that third copy. On my drives to Chuo I pass two bookstores and I thought it would be pleasant to walk there today. Of course it was ridiculously hot, but that was half the fun!

It took about an hour and a half, but I made it to both bookstores--neither of which had an English section. It was still fun to look, though. A bookstore is a bookstore.

So I found my own way (I had no directions!) from the Book Center to Higashi-Kurume eki without struggle and boarded a train to Ikebukuro. Since I have to go through there to get to Shibuya, I figured I'd try Junkudo to see if they'd restocked. They hadnt', but why wouldn't I take one more chance to walk through Ikebukuro? I never thought when I started out this morning that my day would end in Shibuya, but it did, and how much fun I had! That is, I think, my favorite part of the city. Yes, it's so touristy, but there's a reason for that. It's just a fun, fun place to be. The top floor of Tower Records is an English bookstore where I found the exact copy I needed within the first two minutes of reaching the store. I spent a little bit of time wandering through the streets before heading back to Higashi Tokorozawa. Even now I'm amazed at the ease with which I moved from place to place to place. It all came nearly without conscious thought, as if it was second-nature. And perhaps, after 4 1/2 months, it is.

I don't want to leave, yet.

Just a few videos..

Koenji Awaodori Festival

Dinner with some Saginuma students

Worship on Fujisan with the Chun-An team

Trains, streams, and dinner parties

As I stood wedged between three salarymen, a short old lady clutching onto her purse for dear life, and two young girls jabbering away with their keitai flipped open, I looked out the window of the train. We were stopped at a station headed out of the city, back towards Higashi Tokorozawa. A train pulled up alongside us, headed into the city. A few gentlemen stood up, smiling, and two or three empty seats dotted the car. Staring longingly at their car, I just knew they were looking into ours thinking "Thank the Lord I'm not on that train." It was then that our train lurched forward again and the three salarymen, the short old lady, and the two young girls and I were tossed around like a salad, but with less room to breathe. By the time we all settled into the movement of the train, our sumimasen's uttered, we were all in different positions, facing new passengers, with scenery to view.

Such is riding the train at 9:30 on a Wednesday night. Each of my Wednesday nights look like this, some worse--very few better. At 9:30 on a Wednesday night, the working men are on their way home from drinking with their colleagues and the trains become crammed. Crammed is not a strong enough word. People flood onto the trains until you think no one else can fit---and then six more people board.

The stations, too, are a nightmare. A sea of white button-down shirts and black slacks descends upon the ticket wicket and briefcases go flying outward as their owners run to make their transfers. There are people. Everywhere. The closest parallel I can make from the States is Black Friday's WalMart opening. Remember when the employee was trampled? This is an ekiduring rush hour in Tokyo.

It's an experience to say the least. And does not diminish one bit my love for the trains.

Yesterday afternoon I went out to lunch with two of my students, Fumiko and Mutsuko, from my morning class at Chuo. Mutsuko (see pictures in previous post) knew a small restaurant hidden in a garden off the road just a few minutes from the church. It was the type of place that doesn't exist anymore in the States--a small home with four or five tables. All of the customers are known by the staff and you can talk with them, the staff, through an open window into the kitchen as they prepare your food. There's a small room at the other end of the house with a huge window where the old lady who owns the house makes the soba and udon noodles. After the "lunch rush" yesterday, we sat with the old lady and learned how to make udon. It was a fantastically good time.

What's better is that the house is situated in a garden, the likes of which are unique to Japan. It's haphazard and seemingly disorganized. Flowers and plants of all times grow out over the path in mishmosh patterns. It's one huge, beautiful mass of herbage. There are two paths leading to the house, one from a small, gravel parking lot, the other from a walking path that runs along the Tamagawajosui. After we left the house, the three of us walked along the small stream. The path itself is terribly long, requiring days to traverse it in its entirety. The best word to describe it would be rustic: an uneven dirt path lined with wood fences. Trees jut up in the middle of the path and you're forced to step around and dodge thick roots that spring up from the ground. It was a very pleasant afternoon.

As my classes begin to come to an end, my schedule is filling up. This week alone I'll be going to dinner at two different students' homes, and I have two parties planned. Students who have been inviting me to go with them different places or to come to their homes all semester and realizing that they need to set a date ASAP and so, I'm booked! What a wonderful blessing. I have much to look forward to when I get home, but I have so much yet to look forward to before I leave here.